


Gobble, Gobble, Motherf-

by griffle



Series: Listen, I can explain [4]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate History, Alternate Universe, College AU, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dogs, Families of Choice, Humor, Language, Listen this was in my drafts for months, Multi, Poly Relationships, Texting, Thanksgiving, That is not false that is actual history, Thomas Jefferson actually owned an evil sheep, families, kinda goes dark at the end, please be advised, puppers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 18:13:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14454951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffle/pseuds/griffle
Summary: AH: Why are you a hoe LafayetteGL: Shut up and get in the car. My mouth needs pieJL: Ayyyy—————————In which the Revolutionary Boys go to Thanksgiving





	Gobble, Gobble, Motherf-

**Author's Note:**

> JM: James Madison  
> AB: Aaron Burr  
> GL: Lafayette  
> TJ: Thomas Jefferson  
> AH: Alexander Hamilton  
> JL: John Laurens  
> HM: Hercules Mulligan  
> ES: Eliza Schyluer  
> AS: Angelica Schyluer  
> PS: Peggy Schyluer  
> MR: Maria Reynolds  
> TB: Theodosia Barlow  
> CM: Calvin Mulligan  
> HM1: Hugh Mulligan  
> ____________  
> Warning: Near the End there's implication of familial abuse- nothing is mentioned, only heavily implicated. Please be advised. Thank you.

  


* * *

  
  
HM: You guys packed?  
  
JL: Yup  
  
GL: Ouí  
  
AH: Almost.  
  
JL: I'm fucking READY for Thanksgiving Weekend!! Mulligan Thanksgiving part 3!  
  
GL: Thank you Herc for having us again!!  
  
HM: Hey it's tradition now. :)  
  
AH: Which journals should I bring?  
  
AH: I still have the celtic one with the rainbow background that I'm bringing to continue Hugh’s and I discussion, and the black and red one for Calvin  
  
GL: You need any more?  
  
AH: yeah, one for our one adventures. John taken up scrapbooking  
  
JL: I'm in charge of the pictures, Alex is charge of the descriptions.  
  
GL: Buth you BETTER been leaving the arrangement to moí  
  
HM: "buth"  
  
JL: We were hoping so  
  
GL:  HE LL A  
  
HM: I wanna be part of this too   
  
JL: You can help with the pictures and decorations  
  
HM: Yooooo  
  
AH: Packed!  
  
JL: Checklist!  
  
HM: Glasses!  
  
GL: Dental Hygiene items!  
  
AH: Check!  
  
AH: Check!  
  
JL: Clothes that will last us two weeks and withstand the outdoors!  
  
AH: Check!  
  
HM: A proper jacket and outdoor wear (else Pop will force you to take home one of theirs again)  
  
AH: Check! Eliza picked it out for me and it was on sale so I didn't cry at the checkout!  
  
JL: I saw! It's a good jacket  
  
HM: We'll see  
  
GL: Shoes! Socks! Underwear! Hair stuff (you can't borrow mine)  
  
AH: Check for all (how dare)  
  
JL: Glasses container! Contacts and Contact container, contact solution, medications  
  
HM: Wallet, house keys, hairbands laptop, laptop charger  
  
GL: lip balm, headache pills  
  
AH: Check!  
  
AH: Fuck. I'll be right back  
  
GL: Headache pills?  
  
JL: Actually I think he forgot his medications  
  
HM: Gotcha  
  
GL: ALEX GET YOUR ASS MOVING PIE IS CALLING  
  
AH: BUTCHH PLEASE  
  
GL: RUDE GASP  
  
JL: “ Butchh”  
  
HM: One day we'll get it right.  
  
JL: Lol maybe  
  
AH: LAFAYETTE I KNOW ITS YOU BLOWING THE HORN IM COMING JESUS  
  
GL: FUCK YOU ILL BLOW ANYTHING I WANT  
  
JL: AAAAAYYYY THATS WHAT EVERYONE SAID  
  
AH: Why are you a hoe Lafayette  
  
GL: Shut up and get in the car. My mouth needs pie  
  
JL: Ayyyy  
  
AH: Ayyyy  
  
HM: gross

* * *

  
  
CM: Hercules are you almost here?  
  
HM: Yup, we stopped at the gas station nearby.  
  
HM: Alexander and John were playing "Soda wars"  
  
HM1: I never understood how your friends could play a game that involves chugging soda at an unusually alarming rate.  
  
HM: To be fair, I did warn them.  
  
HM1: I don't disbelieve that Bubba  
  
HM: Dad  
  
HM1: :p  
  
CM: xD  
  
HM: Oh no not you too.  
  
HM: But we're around- fifteen minutes out? At least that's what the gps is saying.  
  
CM: The gate is acting up, so you're going have to manually open it.  
  
HM: Will do.  
  
HM: John is wondering if you have all the pie ingredients or if we need to pick anything up  
  
HM1: Actually go ahead and see if you can get a pint of regular vanilla ice cream?  
  
HM: Yes sir. I'll let you know when we've arrived.  
  
CM: Great. Tell your friends that the same sleeping arrangement is the same.  
  
CM: Oh and Alex/John/Lafayette aren't afraid of dogs, right?  
  
HM: ? Maybe Alex, I don't really know?  
  
HM: About to head back out.  
  
HM1: Ah, be careful driving up the way then Bubs.  
  
HM: ?  
  
CM: You'll see. Let us know if they become a handful?  
  
HM:????

* * *

  
  
AH: Hercules  
  
HM: Dude I didn’t know  
  
AH: Hercules there’s a polar bear on my lap  
  
AH: Hercules am I going to die?  
  
JL: Omg your parents got two Great Pyrenees!!!!!! They’re so FLUFFY!!!! <3 <3  
  
HM: In retrospect I should of guessed when they asked if any of you are scared of dogs  
  
AH: H epoajme  
  
HM: was that a word?  
  
JL: Hang on I think he’s being slowly suffocated by Laura.  
  
HM: This is kind of ducking adorable  
  
GL: Hello  
  
GL: It is ouí  
  
GL: I was wondering if all these years you would like to meet  
  
HM:...  
  
GL: No but seriously I have returned from cuddling your new siblings  
  
HM: Ok first of all they’re not my siblings they’re my parents new pets  
  
HM: Second of all I thought you were helping Alex  
  
GL: I was  
  
GL: And then your new siblings smiled at me and I can be a weak man Hercules  
  
HM: They’re not my new siblings  
  
JL: Hey, I was jealous for a while when Bonnie and Jay came, but trust me, you’ll be playing fetch and filling your wallet with pictures of them in no time.  
  
HM: Wait you actually played fetch with your siblings  
  
JL: I may of actually convinced they were talking dogs for like, three months until I got bored.  
  
HM: what the fuck  
  
AH: H ELp  
  
HM: rigjt right I’m coming  
  
JL: ayyyy

* * *

  
  
AH: FREEDDOOOM  
  
HM: I did not know dogs of that stature could have this much energy  
  
GL: And love  
  
JL: And destructive personalities.  
  
HM: Do you think this is the empty nest syndrome?  
  
AH: Depends. How much energy were you as a kid?  
  
HM: Enough that my parents basically threw me into sports and hoped the least homophobic would stick.  
  
HM: It turns out I was great at football much to my parents chargin.  
  
JL: Then yes. Yes this is.  
  
HM: huh  
  
AH: Anyways, if you gentlemen would excuse me I’m going to go steal a father.  
  
HM: JONATHAN DONT YOU FRICKLE DARE  
  
JL: “frickle”  
  
JL: also that’s not my name  
  
JL: d a d d y  
  
HM: get out of my house

* * *

  
  
ES: I miss you two <3  
  
AH: I miss you <3  
  
JL: I miss you two also <3  
  
AH: We’re on the same property John  
  
JL: Eliza, this man left me in the cold and lonesome as soon as we parked the car  
  
AH: I left you chilling by the fire place with two polar bears keeping you company  
  
JL: I’m leaving you for Eliza, Laura and Polly  
  
AH: Rude gasp  
  
ES: Laura and Polly?  
  
ES: Polar bears?? ?????  
  
JL: Ah, Mr and Mr Mulligan got two Great Pyrenees dogs because of empty nest syndrome and they really took a liking to Alex when he arrived.  
  
JL: who is currently communing with nature with Mr Mulligan 1.  
  
AH: Hugh read that over my shoulder and laughed.  
  
ES: Sounds like my dad- except he got an orchid and a munchkin cat that only likes him.  
  
JL: Omg I love those!  
  
ES: I usually do too but Bea hates us  
  
ES: probably because we’re the true favorites lol  
  
ES: But, Alex- where are you?  
  
AH: Somewhere? On the property? They own like twenty acres of woods that kind of blend into the regular woods so it’s hard to tell.  
  
AH: we’re near the lake. Hang on, he’s talking again sorry love u  
  
ES:??  
  
JL: Alex and Mr. Mulligan 1 have been doing this journaling thing since we started coming here. I think it was for a class or something when we came for the original Thanksgiving- but he’s chronicling both Hugh and Calvin’s Mulligan’s lives and deeds in the LGBT community.  
  
JL: cause Hugh helped decriminalize homosexuality in Ireland back in the 90s. And Calvin is like a major advocate and activist ist for HIV/AIDS awareness and I think they actually won this house in a bet or something?  
  
JL: bottom line they’re super interesting so Alex likes to go off with them and pull a Walden meets Tuesdays with Morrie.  
  
ES: that’s  
  
ES: That’s amazing  
  
ES: now I feel bad for lazing on the couch watching peggy try and explain what a meme is to my dad  
  
AH: its not a big deal  
  
JL: yeah I’m chilling with two amazing furry ladies  
  
JL: in the comfort of this cabin  
  
AH: lakehouse. They were deeded the land after an old rich white friend of theirs died.  
  
AH: about junior year of Hercules hs.  
  
ES: where did they live before?  
  
AH: a small rented apartment fourteen miles away  
  
ES: huh.  
  
ES: Hercules doesn’t really talk about his home life  
  
JL: he keeps quiet because his parents are actually kind of well known along with people tend to get weird when they find out he was raised by two gay men.  
  
JL: which is bunk.  
  
JL: Cause his parents are awesome, and cook this amazing meal that is like, the perfect ratio of food.  
  
AH: it kind of makes me nervous though  
  
ES: ah because its so much and a part of you goes “that could feel like several families”?  
  
AH: ye  
  
ES: Well, Peggy and I like to help out pre-Thanksgiving and go down to the shelter to help with preparations.  
  
ES: Also my club likes to help out at the local shelter too.  
  
JL: it’s that teaching one right?  
  
ES: ye  
  
JL: I like them they had a really informative seminar they hosted once about working with LGBT students.  
  
ES: Thank you. And Alex- don’t feel bad about not joining a club?  
  
JL: Yeah you’ve been quiet for a while   
  
AH: you two know me so well  
  
AH: Tbh I’m slammed with school and work I think if I add a club I would just stop sleeping  
  
JL: Hey, it’s ok. I mean you do a lot of amazing things Alex  
  
JL: Like writing down a life story that would one day inspire somone  
  
ES: Yeah, I mean that’s the reason, right?  
  
AH: Hang on walking back  
  
AH: I mean  
  
AH: Kind of  
  
AH: It’s a fear of mine that no matter what I do, no one will remember me. That I’ll have nothing when I die, no legacy  
  
AH: And Hugh and Cal are amazing, not just for raising a chill dude. They helped shape history and the thought   
  
AH: They deserve to be remembered  
  
JL: is that you at the door?  
  
AH: ye  
  
JL: Come here  
  
ES: You cuddling him?  
  
JL: I got us covered, Captain  
  
ES: I love both of you  
  
ES: gonna cuddle both of you when I get back  
  
AH: we can’t wait

* * *

  
  
PS: SAVE ME  
  
AS: nah you’re good  
  
ES: lol  
  
PS: excuse u I don’t see you explaining modern culture to dad  
  
AS: “u”  
  
PS: I was being a meme shut up  
  
PS: do you have the supplies for yam casserole?  
  
AS: Just call it sweet potato casserole  
  
PS: yam, sweet potatoes, same thing  
  
AS: I will ban you  
  
ES: Lol- but yeah it’s in the pantry, lemme get up and I’ll show you  
  
PS: Thank you Sister  
  
PS: Who Doesn’t try and DRAG me  
  
AS: Honey that wasn’t a drag that was me being supportive  
  
AS: You haven’t even MET my drag skills  
  
AS: You would die.  
  
ES: And like an actual drag queen your coffin will be filled with glitter and 1 of Angelica’s wigs  
  
PS: lol burned  
  
AS: I will ban both of you from this house

* * *

  
  
AS: How’s you and Maria?  
  
TB: Good! Aaron stopped by also so New Familygiving is about to drop down!!!  
  
AS: I cannot believe you’re with him  
  
AB: Hello.  
  
AB: Reminder: I’m in this chat  
  
AS: I’m fully aware of what I said  
  
AB: Shocked gasp  
  
TB: shushhhhhhhhh- I’m enjoying my harvest vibe  
  
ES: Harvest vibe?  
  
MR: Aaron’s working on the turkey, I got the pies covered, and Theo is working on the fave extras. Minus the one each other does cause of family recipes.  
  
MR: She has fake leaves in her hair all twisted in an updo  
  
TB: communing with Demeter  
  
AB: I dig it  
  
AS: Peggy and Eliza are singing musicals loudly to annoy me  
  
AS: At least Peggy is a decent rapper  
  
TB: It’s the small things in life

* * *

  
  
TJ: hey  
  
TJ: u up?  
  
AB: what the fuck- Thomas it’s in the middle of the day.  
  
TJ: bored out of my mind  
  
AB: ah, isn’t Madison with you?  
  
TJ: why do you call him that?  
  
AB: Call him what?  
  
TJ: By his last name. Why do you call him that?  
  
AB: You know why  
  
TJ: not really. I just thought you had a surname fetish or something  
  
AB: ...no  
  
AB: the man terrifies me Thomas, I have a healthy respect and fear for that man.  
  
TJ: “healthy”  
  
TJ: na, Hell Demon you needed to have respect for  
  
AB: I take it that’s the sheep from hell you’ve mentioned before?  
  
TJ: I loved that creature-adored James, but hated my cousin, nearly killed him. Also caused a fire.   
  
TJ: it was a fantastic sheep  
  
TJ: So fluffy  
  
AB: Thomas, did you need something?  
  
TJ: Not really, James is out with his family and mine is bitching about something, so I’m in my room  
  
AB: what are they bitching about?  
  
TJ: Me. About how I need to uphold the name and be a better man and I’m useless and blah blah blah. Stuff I heard befor  
  
AB: ?  
  
TJ: shit sorry. But yeah boring stuff  
  
AB: That doesn’t sound boring  
  
AB: Thomas, does this happen a lot  
  
TJ:Mom is out, sishsjdjn  
  
TJ:agsjl  
  
AB: Thomas?  
  
AB: Thomas are you ok?  
  
AB: It’s been ten minutes Thomas come even just a one word text would be fine it’s just that was a weird text and...yeah.

* * *

  
AB: Thomas?

* * *

  
AB: Madison  
  
JM: Burr. I do not have time at the moment, apologies  
  
AB: Thomas was texting me, he talked about his family, sent a weird text, and that was the last I heard for about half an hour.  
  
JM: What was the text?  
  
AB: Copied:Mom is out, sishsjdjn/ agsjl  
  
JM: thank you im handling it

* * *

  
HM: Thanksgiving was nice  
  
JL: S o m u c h f o o d  
  
GL: So glad to bring the sweat pants  
  
GL: And that we’re all wearing coordinating sweat pants  
  
AH: I look good in green  
  
HM: my inner designer would scream if I didn’t coordinate  
  
JL: Praise it  
  
GL: So shall we go ahead and do our other thanksgiving tradition?  
  
AH: Dibs on first  
  
AH: I’m thankful for Calvin and Hugh to be willing to for us, and to allow me to chronicle their lives. I’m grateful for my amazing boyfriend John, who is by my side and amazing in every standpoint, and my amazing girlfriend, Eliza, the best of all women, to both of them I work hard on being a better man. I’m thankful that I was given this chance to succeed in life, and our adventures that brought us closer than ever. I’m thankful of Lafayette and our close bond, of Hercules being the radical dude he is, of Mr. Washington, of Mr. Henry, and nature alright I’m finishing stop poking me Laf  
  
GL: You would of gone on if I didn’t.  
  
GL: I’m thankful for my friendships with all of you- you have made America truly feel like a second home. I’m thankful for of course Calvin and Hugh, and the Washingtons. I’m also thankful for my amazing sense of fashion.  
  
JL: I’m thankful for having two beautiful people I get to have parts of their hearts, and my best friends who share their lives with me.And now two dogs in which I call my home. I’m thankful for the world, for meeting everyone and having our crazy adventures that gave us this bond. I’m grateful for also nature, turtles, and the magical gas station Wawa.  
  
HM: seriously  
  
JL: WAWA IS LIFE  
  
HM: Well, I’m thankful for this crew, and my parents who taught me how to be a good man, and willing to extend their homes to my friends. To be honest you’re all as close as brothers as I would have.  
  
JL: Herc <3  
  
GL: Nous vous adorons, Hercules.  
  
AH: Mon frère, tu es trop gentil.  
  
JL: How come I keep forgetting you speak french also?  
  
AH: I tend to stick to French only with Laf, like how we stick to Spanish.  
  
GL: Ouì  
  
HM: I didn’t fully understand everything Alex and Laf said, but  
  
HM: Thank you guys for everything  
  
HM: Now let’s destroy pie  
  
JL: PIE  
  
AH: JOHN GET ME APPLE I DONT WANNA MOVE YET  
  
JL: SIR YES SDUFB  
  
AH: holy shit I never seen Laf vault so cleanly before  
  
GL: THAT PECAN IS MINE BITCHES  
  
HM: AW HELL NO YOURE GOING DOWN BRITXH  
  
AH: “britxh”

* * *

  
JM: Thomas’ phone is broken, so until he gets a new one, please direct your messages for Thomas to me  
  
AB: is he ok?  
  
JM: It’s under control  
  
AB: But is he ok?  
  
JM: Drop it Burr

* * *

  
JM: Thank you he will be fine  
JM: Everything. Is Fine.  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> WELP THAT WENT DARK LOL.


End file.
